The 100th entries...100 stories ...100 memories...
I have to admit it had been ages since my last entry here. Yet it doesn't mean i forgot about neo_gillain...it is far from true. I had been contemplating on what to write here, for some reason...that i think was stupid. Btw...yupp this is neo_gillain, anniversary of 100th entry...
Yupp...it is the 100th entry...
So there it goes.. Since last april, i was thinking how to celebrate the 100th entry. I wrote an entry, deleted it. Wrote some other, and never finished, and think it was insignificant. From april it went into may, and subsequentky to june, july, come august, goodbye september and now in october. Everytime I came to neo_gillain...i feel pity for the loneliness, yet,,,the writing never complete,..because of the my first three digit entry anniversary...
Call it stupid....cause it is...and that what I did.... In attempt to commerate the 100th entry... I ignored neo_gillain alone... As i was searching for the "best" for the special occasion...I did that....Yet it a wrong thing to do...to left it alone, untouch...... Totally something that not suppose to be done...
Yet doesn't it sounded familiar...? Something that maybe every each of us had come across it, in our short life in this world. Ignoring or hurting someone, not because we hate it, yet cause we think it is good for it, or that the best for them. But, is it truly a right thing to do? To hurt and to be hurt...for something that we assume will be good for the other party....
I am among those person....Lot of histories and stories ....of me doing those things....
I remembered saying to My class teacher at standard 4, "Cikgu saya dah malas laa dapat no 1? Saya rasa nak bagi no 1 kat orang lain laa..."... I'm not sure how stupid i was, yet looking at what i did, yes...i was stupid. I was by then, was always top of the class, never really score anything less than A, yet half the other class failing. Sometime i wonder, why my other friends were working hard and struggling to be just a bit like me....i pitied them....that I think maybe i could give my "first" place to other.......true enough the end of that year...I got 2nd place.....and I was shocked ...
I also recalled ignoring and avoiding friends, didn't contact the other, so that they can continue and free with their life, not to be occupied and attached and dependent to me. Hoping that they can be a better person than me, rather than being with me, who is not doing a good job as a friend, neither as a fellow collegues. Showing lack of interest, poor at responding, avoiding and ignoring..thinking by doing that, they can move on with their life, exploring and shining their true colours, without being stucked "to be" with me...
That also include the occasion that i don't like to hon people as I don't feel good about it, even though they deserved to be honned at, leaving me stuck in the terrible traffic situation. Not bugging to get my paycheck at a jewwllery shop that i work for a week, because i don't want the owner to feel awkward not to give me the salary i entitled for. I will finish what ever food that left on the table, because i pity the food, even my stomach had said no, and my fat had double in size.
Avoiding love...that what people said i do...Trying not to look at it, even it may be there...Honestly i'm not sure if i did this, yet...if I do...it is not a suprise as I did lot of share,...avoiding and subconciously avoiding something, thinking that the best for that situation...
Yet we all know it is not the right thing....infact I know it very well...
So here I am....back writing my 100th entry....after avoiding and subconciously ignoring it, as trying the get best entry for the 100th anniversary of neo_gillain... Saying that, this entry is far from perfect and diffenitely not archieving the hope I kept for few months to commerate the anniversary.....
\Through this period of 5-6 months, I realised the impact of life I have...the stories, experiences, and my pondering that are here, which able to touch someone, in certain particular ways.....and making me aware, that someone do care, and want to know a bit more about what happening in my life....
Without realising...there are people who come and do sit around in neo_gillain, hoping for new journey and lullaby to be heard and share with them, my lullaby, my personal experiences and opinion.
Yupp, I had ignored and avoiding the blog for a really long time...waiting for the perfect 100th entry. This is the 100th entry, and as u can see, it far from perfect....yet that is me, and that's what important....What people want to see is the real me, not something that I wish to create...I started to realize it ...again...
So my dearest "friends of neo_gillain"...Thank you for being here. It is amazing to be back here, realizing ...it had been 100th since 2004....... Hoping I will never take my neo_gillain for granted,and avoiding it later.....
The 100th entry, the welcoming back, the very special unique meaning to me.....
Yupp...it is the 100th entry...
So there it goes.. Since last april, i was thinking how to celebrate the 100th entry. I wrote an entry, deleted it. Wrote some other, and never finished, and think it was insignificant. From april it went into may, and subsequentky to june, july, come august, goodbye september and now in october. Everytime I came to neo_gillain...i feel pity for the loneliness, yet,,,the writing never complete,..because of the my first three digit entry anniversary...
Call it stupid....cause it is...and that what I did.... In attempt to commerate the 100th entry... I ignored neo_gillain alone... As i was searching for the "best" for the special occasion...I did that....Yet it a wrong thing to do...to left it alone, untouch...... Totally something that not suppose to be done...
Yet doesn't it sounded familiar...? Something that maybe every each of us had come across it, in our short life in this world. Ignoring or hurting someone, not because we hate it, yet cause we think it is good for it, or that the best for them. But, is it truly a right thing to do? To hurt and to be hurt...for something that we assume will be good for the other party....
I am among those person....Lot of histories and stories ....of me doing those things....
I remembered saying to My class teacher at standard 4, "Cikgu saya dah malas laa dapat no 1? Saya rasa nak bagi no 1 kat orang lain laa..."... I'm not sure how stupid i was, yet looking at what i did, yes...i was stupid. I was by then, was always top of the class, never really score anything less than A, yet half the other class failing. Sometime i wonder, why my other friends were working hard and struggling to be just a bit like me....i pitied them....that I think maybe i could give my "first" place to other.......true enough the end of that year...I got 2nd place.....and I was shocked ...
I also recalled ignoring and avoiding friends, didn't contact the other, so that they can continue and free with their life, not to be occupied and attached and dependent to me. Hoping that they can be a better person than me, rather than being with me, who is not doing a good job as a friend, neither as a fellow collegues. Showing lack of interest, poor at responding, avoiding and ignoring..thinking by doing that, they can move on with their life, exploring and shining their true colours, without being stucked "to be" with me...
That also include the occasion that i don't like to hon people as I don't feel good about it, even though they deserved to be honned at, leaving me stuck in the terrible traffic situation. Not bugging to get my paycheck at a jewwllery shop that i work for a week, because i don't want the owner to feel awkward not to give me the salary i entitled for. I will finish what ever food that left on the table, because i pity the food, even my stomach had said no, and my fat had double in size.
Avoiding love...that what people said i do...Trying not to look at it, even it may be there...Honestly i'm not sure if i did this, yet...if I do...it is not a suprise as I did lot of share,...avoiding and subconciously avoiding something, thinking that the best for that situation...
Yet we all know it is not the right thing....infact I know it very well...
So here I am....back writing my 100th entry....after avoiding and subconciously ignoring it, as trying the get best entry for the 100th anniversary of neo_gillain... Saying that, this entry is far from perfect and diffenitely not archieving the hope I kept for few months to commerate the anniversary.....
\Through this period of 5-6 months, I realised the impact of life I have...the stories, experiences, and my pondering that are here, which able to touch someone, in certain particular ways.....and making me aware, that someone do care, and want to know a bit more about what happening in my life....
Without realising...there are people who come and do sit around in neo_gillain, hoping for new journey and lullaby to be heard and share with them, my lullaby, my personal experiences and opinion.
Yupp, I had ignored and avoiding the blog for a really long time...waiting for the perfect 100th entry. This is the 100th entry, and as u can see, it far from perfect....yet that is me, and that's what important....What people want to see is the real me, not something that I wish to create...I started to realize it ...again...
So my dearest "friends of neo_gillain"...Thank you for being here. It is amazing to be back here, realizing ...it had been 100th since 2004....... Hoping I will never take my neo_gillain for granted,and avoiding it later.....
The 100th entry, the welcoming back, the very special unique meaning to me.....
5 Comments:
"Without realising...there are people who come and do sit around in neo_gillain, hoping for new journey and lullaby to be heard and share with them, my lullaby, my personal experiences and opinion"
guess what? im one of them ^_^
welcome back adli...
hehe thanks anonymous ...let's hope we gonna hear lot of "us" later...
insyaAllah...
i thank u soo much.
i really enjoy sitting around here in neo_gillain ;-)
it helps me a lot...
did u know?
it's a MIRACLE that i found neo_gillain...
it's an INSTINCT that made me still waiting and sitting here...
and...
it's a BLESSING that i can know about ur journey
^_^
Just wondering around the net, my friends suggest me to read your blog writing. well i found it quit intersting...it okay, especially both of us do the same job...saving people, seeing death people, treat people, play with the sticky blood, yeah im talking about MD here, it suprise me you have time to do all this, since u doing master, locum, oncall, tagging...me just have fun after 8-5 job...oncall, call me at home i'll be there ASAP or OTW heheheh...locum, i have money now, well for the moment, and master...not yet, remmeber the time when we do something call study i just cant thinking about study anymore...hehehe anyway good luck to you and please update ur blog!
Well, my Pakar always reminding me that "The good teacher is your patient!" every seconds, minutes and hours after im done giving my mortality case report presentation. I am totally agree with him, so that why I never thought of Master program (Maybe 2-3 more years later, still searching for the perfect reason why i have to do Master)cause Life is short, make full use of it and enjoy yourself to the limit! Hahaha...Peace bro... - L
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